


Excerpts and Deleted Scenes of Dumbasses being Stupid

by IzzyMRDB



Series: Dumbass doesn't mean stupid 'verse [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, RIORDAN Rick - Works, Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Percy Jackson, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Percy Jackson is a Dork, Poseidon (Percy Jackson) is a Good Parent, Self-Indulgent, This Is STUPID, Triton (Percy Jackson) is a Good Sibling, having fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyMRDB/pseuds/IzzyMRDB
Summary: Little drabbles and ficlets of deleted scenes from my main series "I may be a Dumbass, but I'm not Stupid!" that don't fit in or are complete AU or What If's. Just for fun.Each chapter is a new scene
Relationships: Hermes & Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson & Triton
Series: Dumbass doesn't mean stupid 'verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921510
Comments: 88
Kudos: 413





	1. Triton may or may not have kidnapped me. Send help.

It wasn’t Mom or Athena who answered the phone when the school rang, but Triton.

And Triton, a bit confused at the land school system, arrived a bit late to pick me up.

“Percy?!” He cried, looking at the scene in front of him.

The priest stopped flicking holy water on me. “Hi Tri! Look, I’m getting exorcised!”

The nuns didn’t falter in their praying.

Triton was a bit slow to realise exactly what that meant, but then he was  _ furious _ .

Oops.

-

I’m in Atlantis. I’m in  _ Atlantis _ .

“Perseus?” Pater gaped, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. “Triton? Wha-?”

“He’s not going back to the surface!” Triton snapped, “The  _ yan’dimide  _ land-dwellers were mistreating him!”

Sa’Meter didn’t seem to quite get what is going on either. “Who is this child? Triton, I  _ swear _ , if you’ve just kidnapped a child I’ll be furious!”

“What do you mean the mortals were mistreating him?” Pater stressed, looking baffled. “How do you know Perseus?!”

I’m pretty sure if I say something, I’ll get dragged into this argument too, so I think I’m just gonna swing my arms and look at the pretty room decor.

“An exorcism! Those stupid- He was honoring his family and they tried to exorcise him!” Triton snarled.

Sa’Meter blinked. “Wait! Poseidon that better not be another demigod child of yours our son is holding!”

Pater paled.

-

Sa’Meter has quite kindly turned my legs into a single green tail, and has told me I can call her ‘Meti’ if I wish.

Triton and Pater are still getting randomly glared at whenever she passes by them, but she has reassured me she’s not angry with me.

Meti has taken the ‘Triton kidnapped me and I think I have to live in Atlantis now’ situation in stride, and quickly called a family meeting.

“Aww,” Herophile cooed, pinching my cheeks. “He’s so small!”

“Oh I remember when my children were this young,” Rhode crooned, “Isn’t he precious?”

“Three letter word, confirmation.” Herophile replied, giggling.

Benthesikyme tittered with Aithousa, “Tinier than our sons!”

Kymopoleia smirked, “I could just steal him!”

I have a LOT of sisters, it turns out. And they’re all a  _ lot _ older than me- and they all (other than Herophile) have children- so they like to pinch my cheeks and pick me up.

“Don’t you dare, Kym, I already stole him.” Triton growled, hovering as he watched our sisters fuss and coo.

“Yes, and we will be returning him to his mother,” Pater insisted.

Meti glared at him. “No we will not. He is ‘Ais- we are keeping him here.”

“Amphri-”

“Don’t ‘Amphitrite’ me! We’re making him immortal and claiming him as both of ours, and that’s the end of the discussion!”

“Meter-”

“Triton, you do not have a say in this!”

I watched them back-and-forth from Rhode’s lap. Should I-? Nah, they can sort it out.

-

A high pitched whistle got everyone silent.

Pater suddenly gripped his trident, and Kym had a net in her hand, but I just shrieked in excitement.

“Uncle Hermes!” I tore out of Rhode’s grip and flung myself at him. “Triton kidnapped me!”

“Yes.” He said wryly, “Sally is hysterical about it.”

Pater looked even more confused, “You know about Percy?”

“You’re awful at hiding him.” Hermes replied cheekily. “Athena knows too and she’s nearly as mad as Sally about this whole… situation. Now, can we please return him to his mother? Sally is terrifying and I don’t want to deal with her getting angry at me too.”

Everyone was silent as they took in this new development. Triton did look a bit scared of mom.

Kym piped up, “So does this mean I can’t teach him how to wreck fishing boats?”


	2. Lollipops and Tricksters

“This… is new.” Hermes commented, staring at the place the wormhole used to be. “Is this normal for you or...?

“Nope!” The man grinned, staring at where the hole used to be too. “Squirrel and Moose messed up big time!”

“Right… who are you?”

“Who are  _ you _ , wings?”

Uncle looked offended, “Lord Hermes, god of Messengers and Thieves.”

“Huh.” He looked at him up and down, you look a lot different in my universe. “I’m the Archangel Gabriel.”

I blinked, “Like in the Bible?”

He looked down, seeming surprised to see me. “Yeah kiddo. What’s your name buddy?”

“Percy.” I clung to Uncle, shrinking into his side as he put an arm around me. “Are you going to drag me to hell?”

He looked stunned. “Not my usual response from kids. Nah, I won’t. What makes you think that?”

Uncle sighed and picked me up to put on his hip. “Percy got excommunicated and nearly exorcised last week. There’s definitely no angels in this ‘universe.’”

“The Winchesters  _ really _ messed up.” Gabriel muttered. “And how did you manage that?”

“I just wanted to sacrifice some food, I didn’t know the nuns would catch me!”

He nodded, “Fair enough. Do you want to get un excommunicated or-?”

I shook my head, “No thank you.”

He grinned, and suddenly had a lollipop in his hand. “Sounds about right. Want a lollipop?”

I looked up to Uncle for permission, who shrugged, so I took it.

“Where am I anyway?” Gabriel asked, looking around. “Is this Boston? Looks like Boston.”

“It is.” Uncle confirmed, “Do you need help getting back? I’m sure my siblings have a few ideas.”

“Eh, why not?” Gabriel shrugged. “Should I ask why you have a kid with you though?”

“I’m babysitting- Triton is busy and can’t look after his lil bro today- so I thought he might like to learn how to carry messages.”

Gabriel grinned, “Ah, the best job. I should tell you about some of the stories I have from carrying messages between my family- oh Luci looked so stunned!”

Well, at least he seems fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I haven't watched Supernatural since SuperWhoLock was a thing, so like,,,, Gabriel is definitely ooc but whatever


	3. Hermes' medical skills

Triton side-eyed Hermes, "How come you know so much about taking care of ill demigods?"

A flash of panic jolted through him, but he quickly lied through his teeth. "Amaterasu literally thought Apollo and I were the 'Greek Twins' and not Artemis and him, do you really think I haven't managed to pick up _some_ medical skills?"

Athena frowned, "I haven't."

"You also haven't learnt how to shoot a bow in three thousand years," He snarked. "How many times to people get Apollo and I confused? We're attached at the hip, he makes me cover his medical shifts when he's too busy and I make him deliver messages, we learnt."

Triton nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I do have to admit, you two are the most flexible with your domains."

He laughed, "Father has yet to notice that we keep passing the 'God of Herds' title between us every few hundred years."

Athena choked. "You do WHAT?!"

Hermes' hands flew up in a surrender. He'd said too much. "Nothing!"

"Of all the idiotic things-!"

"Apollo suggested it!"

Triton looked down at Percy, "And this, paidi mou, is what you _shouldn't_ do when are given godhood."

Percy nodded seriously. "Don't tell Athena that I'm pranking someone, got it."

"Wait, no."


	4. Adventures in godly parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zeus being a dad with WAY too many kids

“Apollo-” Zeus adresseed Hermes, only for his son to give him the classic flicking hand motion of ‘Seriously’ and ‘What the fuck?’

Artemis snorted, and raised the phone camera to catch the ensuing conversation to send to her twin.

“Sorry,  _ Hermes _ , can you please not wear your headphones while giving deliveries.” Zeus sighed tiredly, rubbing his temple. He was already currently trying to resolve a minor problem with half the council present, which meant half of the solutions were just petty family zingers.

“I’m listening to a podcast,” He whined. “And how am I always mistaken as Apollo? Come on!”

“At least he’s never called you Ares, and then corrected to Artemis.” Athena pointed out, not looking up from her book.

“I still don’t know how he got Ganymede and Demeter from this,” Dionysus waved at himself.

“You’re my only blond sons,” Zeus mutters, only to be responded with a few cries of outrage.

“Caerus!” Artemis pointed out. “Asopos!” Dionysus said. “Zagreus!” Athena said, earning a side-glare from Dionysus.

Hermes was still pouting, “Sure, but how about the fact that I’m a foot shorter than him at all times? Five feet when in councils, yet I’m always still mixed up with him! I’m your shortest son, he’s your tallest child, and you still don’t see the difference.”

“In my defense,” Zeus sighed. “You are wearing his clothes right now.”

Hermes looked down at the purple hoodie he was practically swimming in. “...Fair. But it’s comfy and he’s in Japan!”

Hera patted her husband on the shoulder, amused. “This is what happens when you have too many children.”

Zeus grumbled something about traitor wives, and kissed her cheek. “Fine! I don’t know why you have to argue about this everytime- it’ll end up happening next week again.”

Hermes squawked, and Dionysus loudly said something about age.

Artemis sent the video to her brother with the caption ‘Adventures in Parenting: how you know you have too many kids by Zeus.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, you'll get your update on the main story soon

**Author's Note:**

> These all come from everytime someone makes a comment joking about how a scene could go down differently and my mind going 'Hmmm.... let's write this!' lmao
> 
> **Join my PJO discord server for extra bits on this story and being part of the planning process! https://discord.gg/7Upcgaj**


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